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Paradoxes of Control
I got out of a very abusive relationship in January 2023. It was with a textbook definition of a sociopathic narcissist. I could “be myself” as long as it was within his very strict definition of what was deemed “acceptable”. I could wear makeup but only what he bought me. I could wear “cute clothes” but only if he bought it for me. Even then, his attitudes towards it were seemingly changing on a daily basis. I have crystal clear memories of him yelling every obscenity under the sun at me, saying I was “dressing and looking like a whore” despite wearing an outfit and using a makeup palette that he had bought me earlier that year while going out the door. I was terrified of stepping one tiny step outside of his shadow.
In my current relationship, I am much happier and relaxed. We actually encourage open and honest channels of communication at all times during the relationship. We also are involved in BDSM. We are both switches with me being predominantly a submissive to him and him being predominantly a Dominant towards myself. However, with us being switches, the roles do change occasionally. If there’s a question about what exactly we are comfortable or not comfortable doing to the other, we clarify and ask before doing said activity to the other.
