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I have always loved the theatre. I was absolutely thrilled when in school I started learning about all the different kinds of plays created throughout history. I never joined my school’s drama club (formally) for the sole reason that it was filled with egotistical students where the teachers clearly picked favorites to play major roles. I digress.
However, I would have never thought that Shakespeare's famous quote about the world being a stage would become my life. What do I mean by this? I have gone through a lot of variety of traumas throughout my life. It has resulted in me dissociating on some level in my own life on a regular basis. Am I “actually” here in my life? I know I am physically existing here, but in regards to me being “fully” engaged with my life, that’s another story altogether. A lot of people who dissociate often report similar sensations.
Whenever it comes to any kind of interaction that requires me to physically interact with other people, I feel like I am suddenly the star on a stage. I am acting to play the part of me, whoever “me” is. But it’s like the scriptwriters got distracted and never filled in the character description for “me” so I am left going off of literal blank space.
I have had certain interests and dislikes that have followed me throughout my life (my love for art, biology, and animal just to name a few of my “core”…